I'm almost afraid to admit how different my feelings are for my daughters. One has autism and the other has aspergers. Don't get me wrong I think they are both perfect. I don't know what others believe but I believe God sent them and for what ever reasons he sent them they way they should be.
DD#1 is just perfect. I can't imagine her any other way than she is. She can't control many of the ways she expresses herself and here we are. She couldn't change if she wanted to.
DD#2 is also just perfect. But I can and do remember wishing she was different. Some days she is so reasonable and easy to deal with. It ALMOST seems like she can control her behaviors. Some days she's almost typical. Then she has a really bad day. I realize it just isn't so.
Everyone has to plan for DD#1. They know it and understand it. We do our best to craft her environment to best meet her needs. DD#2 is different. I still find myself advocating for her on a regular basis. I also find myself trying to convince her to do the things she should.
It's not a good or bad difference in my feelings between them. I'm just aware it is hugely different. Do you know what I mean?
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Sunday, January 13, 2013
DD Right Left Story
My daughter told me the funniest explanation. She was arguing with her staff. They wanted her to do something and she didn't want to do it. Having a conversation with a person with Autism is sometimes a very interesting thing.
I asked her why she didn't want to do it. She said because she wanted to go left! At first I didn't understand so I asked her again and got the same answer. I'm sitting there trying to think of what to say and she tells me she didn't want to do the right thing. She says she wanted to do the left thing.
The thing is she seemed to quite clearly understand what she was talking about. I told she should do the right thing because she's supposed to do that. She told me sometimes she just wanted to go left....
Lol, I just wonder who told her this and how they explained it. She clearly got the difference between the right thing and the not right thing. Lol.
This is how my days go... How is your day?
I asked her why she didn't want to do it. She said because she wanted to go left! At first I didn't understand so I asked her again and got the same answer. I'm sitting there trying to think of what to say and she tells me she didn't want to do the right thing. She says she wanted to do the left thing.
The thing is she seemed to quite clearly understand what she was talking about. I told she should do the right thing because she's supposed to do that. She told me sometimes she just wanted to go left....
Lol, I just wonder who told her this and how they explained it. She clearly got the difference between the right thing and the not right thing. Lol.
This is how my days go... How is your day?
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
A Little Bit More About Autism and Santa Claus
To continue this subject a little bit. I woke up with a worry about what will happen to Dominoe and her Christmas after I'm gone. I'm not going anywhere you understand. I plan to live to be a 120 years old. :)
Anyway, I was worried. I called my oldest son to tell him that she still believes Santa Claus comes on Christmas morning. Someone one, mainly him because he was the oldest, would have to make sure that happened. He said ok. :-/
He's a man of little words. LOL I hope you are having a wonderful holiday.
Anyway, I was worried. I called my oldest son to tell him that she still believes Santa Claus comes on Christmas morning. Someone one, mainly him because he was the oldest, would have to make sure that happened. He said ok. :-/
He's a man of little words. LOL I hope you are having a wonderful holiday.
Sunday, December 23, 2012
Autism and Santa Claus
I woke up in a panic a couple mornings ago. I couldn't remember if the daughter, Rose, with aspergers believed in Santa Claus or not. I finally called and asked. The older daughter, Dominoe, who has autism still believes Santa Claus passes and there are presents on Christmas morning.
I can remember when my youngest, Mikey, who was only ten years old finally came to me and said there wasn't any Santa Claus. He had been saying it for the past two years. I had been putting him off by saying if he didn't believe in Santa Claus he might not get any presents Christmas morning.
Well at ten years old he finally said he didn't care. Sooo I had to fess up. Well as anyone knows who has more than two children information in a family works it's way around. (I have five children.)
The daughter with aspergers (Rose) didn't believe him. She really didn't believe him for another couple of years. I guess that would have made her about 14 years at that time. The son wasn't finished with telling though.
He had told his Dominoe that there was no Santa Claus. I remember the look on her face. She said, "There's no Santa Claus?" I told her there was and gave both Rose and my last son, Mike, my best momma says to 'shut up' look.
Later I talked with Rose and Mike in private that Dominoe might always believe in Santa Claus. They tried to understand at the time. They certainly understand now. To get back to the start of this post Rose, the daughter with aspergers, doesn't believe in Santa Claus.
I know this is going long but Rose doesn't get a whole lot of autism type services. She doesn't seem to be 'disabled' enough. Most of the services she gets is through mental health rehabilitation services. Dominoe on the other had gets supports 24/7. I know a lot of it is because of the behaviors.
I wonder though if people who believe in Santa Claus at 24 years old don't need more autism services. I just wonder...
I hope and pray you have a Peaceful Christmas and New Year!
I can remember when my youngest, Mikey, who was only ten years old finally came to me and said there wasn't any Santa Claus. He had been saying it for the past two years. I had been putting him off by saying if he didn't believe in Santa Claus he might not get any presents Christmas morning.
Well at ten years old he finally said he didn't care. Sooo I had to fess up. Well as anyone knows who has more than two children information in a family works it's way around. (I have five children.)
The daughter with aspergers (Rose) didn't believe him. She really didn't believe him for another couple of years. I guess that would have made her about 14 years at that time. The son wasn't finished with telling though.
He had told his Dominoe that there was no Santa Claus. I remember the look on her face. She said, "There's no Santa Claus?" I told her there was and gave both Rose and my last son, Mike, my best momma says to 'shut up' look.
Later I talked with Rose and Mike in private that Dominoe might always believe in Santa Claus. They tried to understand at the time. They certainly understand now. To get back to the start of this post Rose, the daughter with aspergers, doesn't believe in Santa Claus.
I know this is going long but Rose doesn't get a whole lot of autism type services. She doesn't seem to be 'disabled' enough. Most of the services she gets is through mental health rehabilitation services. Dominoe on the other had gets supports 24/7. I know a lot of it is because of the behaviors.
I wonder though if people who believe in Santa Claus at 24 years old don't need more autism services. I just wonder...
I hope and pray you have a Peaceful Christmas and New Year!
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Autism and Siblings
It was time for another one of those discussions. The one that I periodically have with one or the other of my two oldest boys about their sisters and autism spectrum disorders. The oldest son is 32 years old.
I'm always mystified because one or the other son will tell me 'Why are you telling me this?' It's not like we haven't had these discussions for year. I then go into the whole speech that it is because as I get sicker they will have to do more. Of course they need to know things that I know.
I guess what brought it to mind again is one of the adult siblings I know. They just found out that their brother has a medical condition that can be helped by a specific diet. The sibling reminded me of my son. The sibling is doing some of the medical stuff right now.
Anyway mom remembered the diet. I didn't say anything to the sibling but I sat there thinking about how guilty the mom is going to feel shortly. She knew and probably forgot over the years.
So I keep telling my two oldest about things, over and over.
I'm always mystified because one or the other son will tell me 'Why are you telling me this?' It's not like we haven't had these discussions for year. I then go into the whole speech that it is because as I get sicker they will have to do more. Of course they need to know things that I know.
I guess what brought it to mind again is one of the adult siblings I know. They just found out that their brother has a medical condition that can be helped by a specific diet. The sibling reminded me of my son. The sibling is doing some of the medical stuff right now.
Anyway mom remembered the diet. I didn't say anything to the sibling but I sat there thinking about how guilty the mom is going to feel shortly. She knew and probably forgot over the years.
So I keep telling my two oldest about things, over and over.
Friday, December 14, 2012
Self-regulation and Aspergers
You know I have to tell you when I bump into a term that has helped me through the years. There have been several of them. Perservation, de-escalate, and independant living skills are a few. Well the latest one that I heard concerning autism and my daughters is self-regulation, particularly aspergers.
So here goes, as close as I understand self-regulation is when you play hard and work hard and know when to do each. So like you know you have to go to bed at a certain hour because you have to be up at a certain hour.
You may not have to do that on some nights because you do not have to be up then next day. Therefore you can stay up a little later. Well people with aspergers seem to have alot of difficulty self regulating.
At least one of my daughters who has aspergers does to a huge extent. So we have lots of discussions about things like this. When I used this term she asked what it was. Hence my definition of playing and working at the right times.
The daughter with autism doesn't regulate at all. Hence her behavior problems. She doesn't know how to calm herself.
So here goes, as close as I understand self-regulation is when you play hard and work hard and know when to do each. So like you know you have to go to bed at a certain hour because you have to be up at a certain hour.
You may not have to do that on some nights because you do not have to be up then next day. Therefore you can stay up a little later. Well people with aspergers seem to have alot of difficulty self regulating.
At least one of my daughters who has aspergers does to a huge extent. So we have lots of discussions about things like this. When I used this term she asked what it was. Hence my definition of playing and working at the right times.
The daughter with autism doesn't regulate at all. Hence her behavior problems. She doesn't know how to calm herself.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Hair and Aspergers
I know I've spoken about this somewhere before. My daughter with Aspergers hates to brush, comb, or otherwise touch her hair. The daughter with Autism doesn't like it either but she's a little more tolerant. I know it's a sensory issue.
But it's her hair for goodness sakes. It gets so tangled there are balls of tangled hair in the back. It's not like I can make her take care of her hair. She is 19 years old and everyone in the world reminds me that she can do as she pleases. Of course she can. If she understood consequences that would be a different matter.
We do all the things I tell other mothers to try. We keep her hair short. I buy enough detangler that I should have stock in one or two of those companies. I take her to the beauty shop and let them wash it and style it, a little, when she'll let me. It just gets so knotted sometimes.
Well at one point the people she lives with, the boyfriend and his family, had some problems with child protection. It was the mother and her boyfriend's baby. Anyway during the whole mess, pictures of my daughter, the one with Aspergers hair, ended up in the baby's file with CPS. They have the baby back.
God forgive me, this last time her hair was a mess I reminded her of it. I know that's not the major reason the baby was taken away. My daughter just has to learn at some point that what she does has consequences.
She cried. I cried. It took about a week to get all the tangles out but they came out. I feel horrible. I'm positive the reason she doesn't get some things is because of the Aspergers. Tell me I'm not the only one having these type of painful to the bone discussions with their child with Aspergers. Right??
But it's her hair for goodness sakes. It gets so tangled there are balls of tangled hair in the back. It's not like I can make her take care of her hair. She is 19 years old and everyone in the world reminds me that she can do as she pleases. Of course she can. If she understood consequences that would be a different matter.
We do all the things I tell other mothers to try. We keep her hair short. I buy enough detangler that I should have stock in one or two of those companies. I take her to the beauty shop and let them wash it and style it, a little, when she'll let me. It just gets so knotted sometimes.
Well at one point the people she lives with, the boyfriend and his family, had some problems with child protection. It was the mother and her boyfriend's baby. Anyway during the whole mess, pictures of my daughter, the one with Aspergers hair, ended up in the baby's file with CPS. They have the baby back.
God forgive me, this last time her hair was a mess I reminded her of it. I know that's not the major reason the baby was taken away. My daughter just has to learn at some point that what she does has consequences.
She cried. I cried. It took about a week to get all the tangles out but they came out. I feel horrible. I'm positive the reason she doesn't get some things is because of the Aspergers. Tell me I'm not the only one having these type of painful to the bone discussions with their child with Aspergers. Right??
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